May 24, 2002: Now that spammers have gone "legit", e-mail spam has gotten worse than
ever! Back in the "Wild West" days, I'd get a spam or two every now and then. It was a minor
irritant, but no big deal. I never even bothered to unsubscribe, because I knew that most spams
were just random mailings anyway, and the spammers usually got shut down before long. Then somebody
decided to legitimize spam by making it "opt-in" only. That way, you'd only get spam if you
asked for it, right? Wrong! As it turns out, every website that I ever
registered with has "opted me in" for every kind of spam imaginable. They were even kind
enough to send me "privacy statements" just to let me know that I didn't have any. Now I'm
constantly deluged with offer after offer. Sure, you can try to unsubscribe, but they'll
just say, "Please allow one week to be removed from our database." Meanwhile, they get to
spam you to death for one whole week! And then you'll get even more spam from
them, because every product they offer is on a separate mailing list! So by the time you
unsubscribe from all the lists, somebody else will just "opt you in" again. And you can
forget about these spammers getting shut down, because they're "playing by the
rules". I'll take the "Wild West" over this crap anytime!
May 21, 2002: The cover of a department store circular had a picture of a cute teenage girl
wearing a tight little t-shirt that said, "Staring won't make me like you." At first I thought,
"Why would staring at somebody magically transform them into somebody like me?" If
only cloning were that simple! Then I realized what the real message was. It was a
cruel jab at those second class citizens who weren't born beautiful and sexy. Yes,
you might be tempted to stare at this pretty, young girl in her tight, sexy t-shirt, but she'll
never ever want to be with a creep like you, so stop staring! It really pisses
me off, because it seems like some women only wear sexy clothes so that they can complain
about all the unwanted attention they're getting. "But I should be able to wear whatever I
want!" they exclaim. Then they bitch about how lonely they are, because guys are too
intimidated by their beauty to ask them out. I think women like this deserve whatever
they get, especially since they're always complaining about the fat, hairy guy who wears
Speedos at the beach! All I can say is, "Hey, he should be able to wear whatever he wants!"
May 15, 2002: I was recently reminded of how important hyphens are. I saw this
headline in the newspaper about somebody being abducted by three armed commandos. I thought,
"Wow! Commandos with three arms!" Then I realized that there wasn't a hyphen
between "three" and "armed", so I guess it was just three guys with guns.
May 11, 2002: The second season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer
will be released on DVD on June 11, 2002. I'm really looking forward to this, because the
second season is truly the golden age of Buffy. It ultimately defines what the series is all
about and sets the stage for seasons to come. Any reasonable person would have to agree that
the star-crossed romance between Buffy and Angel is one of the greatest dramatic arcs in
television history. Even if you recorded all the episodes on VHS, you'll still want the DVD.
The picture clarity is awesome, and you'll appreciate the episodes a lot more without all
the network logos and time and temperature and promos and whatever else your local station
plasters all over the screen.
May 9, 2002: For some reason, people have been getting upset about Mike Tyson's rude
and insensitive remarks. What do these people expect? He's a professional boxer! That means
he beats people up for a living! He just hits them and hits them and HITS them
until they can't stand up anymore! And who knows how many times he's been punched in the
head? Why would anybody expect Mike Tyson to be sensitive, polite or even rational?
May 7, 2002: The family of a prisoner who died in a North Carolina jail fire claims that he
was the most decent, hard-working, good-hearted man you'd ever want to meet. Of course, they
sort of glossed over the fact that he was in jail for drunk driving! He couldn't have been
that good if he was always getting wasted and cruising around town. The family also
refuses to allow police and firefighters to attend his funeral, because the family blames
them for his death. I can't help wondering, if this paragon of virtue ran over some kid
while driving drunk, would that kid's family want him at the funeral?
May 4, 2002: The cable TV industry keeps putting out ads criticizing satellite TV. They say
you can't record one show while watching another; you have to buy expensive equipment to watch
separate channels on separate TVs; you have to have an "ugly" dish nailed to your roof; etc.
The funny thing is, as cable TV goes digital, it will ultimately have all the same problems!
And it's not as if cable TV doesn't require me to have an "ugly" wire nailed to my
house! Not to mention all those "ugly" poles that carry the "ugly" wires all over
town! It sounds to me like cable TV isn't all it's cracked up to be!