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IM suR xaT, aT SuM PqNT iN TIM, YU HaV ReD YOR MIKROWAV uVeN ONuRZ MaNYUuL iN u VAG uTeMPT TU DiSKuVuR HQ, eGZaKTLE, YOR MIKROWAV uVeN WuRKS. aND WeN YU DiD SO, IM suR YU WuR TOLD xaT xeR iZ u DEVIS iNSID YOR uVeN KoLD u "MaGNeTRoN" WiC, XRU aN oBSKYuR MaJiKuL PRoSeS, SuMHQ HETS YOR FUD BI BoMBoRDing iT WiX "RADEO WAVZ". oBVEuSLE, xiS eKSPLuNAsuN iZ TOTuLE aBSuRD. iN FaKT, iT iZ SiMPLE uNuxuR SLoPE uTeMPT TU KuVuR uP YeT uNuxuR GuVuRNMeNT MIND KuNTROL eKSPeRiMeNT. I'm sure that, at some point in time, you have read your Microwave Oven Owner's Manual in a vague attempt to discover how, exactly, your microwave oven works. And when you did so, I'm sure you were told that there is a device inside your oven called a "magnetron" which, through an obscure magical process, somehow heats your food by bombarding it with "radio waves". Obviously, this explanation is totally absurd. In fact, it is simply another sloppy attempt to cover up yet another Government Mind Control Experiment.
YU SE, MIKROWAV uVeNZ DONT aKCUuLE HET YOR FUD aT oL! NO! xA SiMPLE KREAT xE iLUzuN xaT YOR FUD iZ HoT. BuT PLEZ, DONT JuST TAK MI WuRD FOR iT. GO iNTU xu KiCeN YORSeLF aND PuRFORM xEZ SiMPL eKSPeRiMeNTS, WiC WiL uNDQTeDLE KuNViNS YU xaT MI KLAMZ oR TRU. You see, microwave ovens don't actually heat your food at all! No! They simply create the illusion that your food is hot. But please, don't just take my word for it. Go into the kitchen yourself and perform these simple experiments, which will undoubtedly convince you that my claims are true.
FuRST, SeT YOR KuNVeNCuNuL uVeN aT 500 DEGREZ, xeN WAT u FYU MiNuTS. NQ, OPeN xu DOR. SE? WeN YU OPeND xu DOR, iNKReDiBL uMQNTS uV REL HET KAM QT aND BLaSTeD YOR FAS, SKORCing YOR HeR aND IBRQZ SLITLE. NQ, JuST TU BE suR xaT xu HET iZ REL, RaP YOR HaND uRQND xu GLOing HET eLeMeNT FOR u FYU SeKuNDZ. QC! YeS, YOR HaND iZ NQ KWIT CoRD, aND RoKeTS uV PAN oR uNDQTeDLE sUTing XRU YOR oRM aZ PRUF xaT xu HET iZ REL. First, set your conventional oven at 500 degrees, then wait a few minutes. Now, open the door. See? When you opened the door, incredible amounts of real heat came out and blasted your face, scorching your hair and eyebrows slightly. Now, just to be sure that the heat is real, wrap your hand around the glowing heat element for a few seconds. OUCH! Yes, your hand is now quite charred, and rockets of pain are undoubtedly shooting through your arm as proof that the heat is real.
NQ, BaNDuJ YOR HaND aND uTEMPT xu SAM eKSPeRiMeNT WiX YOR MIKROWAV. aZ YU KaN SE, NO HET KuMZ QT WeN YU OPeN xu DOR. WI, iT iZNT EVeN WoRM iNSID! uV KORS, YU KaNoT RaP YOR HaND uRQND eNE HETing eLeMeNTS, BEKuZ xeR oRNT eNE. NOR WiL xu MIKROWAV uPER TU oPuRAT WIL xu DOR iZ OPeN. xeRFOR, xER iZ NO WA TU TeL iF iT eVuR GeTS HoT iNSID xu CAMBuR. iN FaKT, iT DUZNT. FuRxuRMOR, xu SQND YU HER WeN xE uVeN iZ "oN" iZ MERLE aN eLeKTRoNiK NqZMAKuR DEZIND TU TRiK YU iNTU xinKing xaT xE uVeN oNLE WuRKS WeN iT iZ "oN". xu TRUX uV xu MaTuR iZ xaT xu MIND KuNTROL DEVIS iN YOR MIKROWAV uVeN iZ KoNSTuNTLE iN oPuRAsuN, WexuR YU oR "KwKing" FUD OR NoT! YeS, xiS DuZ SEM FoRFeCT, BuT PLEZ KEP aN OPeN MIND WIL PuRFORMing xEZ NeKST FYU eKSPeRiMeNTS. Now, bandage your hand and attempt the same experiment with your microwave. As you can see, no heat comes out when you open the door. Why, it isn't even warm inside! Of course, you cannot wrap your hand around any heating elements, because there aren't any. Nor will the microwave appear to operate while the door is open. Therefore, there is no way to tell if it ever gets hot inside the chamber. In fact, it doesn't. Furthermore, the sound you hear when the oven is "on" is merely an electronic noisemaker designed to trick you into thinking that the oven only works when it is "on". The truth of the matter is that the Mind Control Device in your microwave oven is constantly in operation, whether you are "cooking" food or not! Yes, this does seem farfetched, but please keep an open mind while performing these next few experiments.
NQ TAK u FROZeN DiNuR QT uV YOR FREZuR. RED xu "SPesuL MIKROWAV iNSTRuKsuNZ" oN xu BoKS aND FIND QT HQ Long YU oR SuPOZD TU "KwK" xu DiNuR. NeKST, PLAS xu FROZeN DiNuR iN YOR MIKROWAV, BuT ONLE "KwK" iT FOR HaF xu TIM PRESKRIBD. WeN YU REMUV xu DiNuR, iT WiL uPER TU BE HoT, BuT WeN YU POK YOR FinGuR iNTU xu MasD POTATOZ, YU WiL KWiKLE DiSKuVuR xaT xE iLUzuN iZ iNKuMPLET, aND xu POTATOZ oR STiL KWIT FROZeN oN xE iNSID! aKCUuLE, xu POTATOZ oR oLSO FROZeN oN xE QTSID, BuT YU SiMPLE KaNoT SE xiS BEKoZ uV xE iLUzuN. Now, take a frozen dinner out of your freezer. Read the "special microwave instructions" on the box and find out how long you are supposed to "cook" the dinner. Next, place the frozen dinner in your microwave, but only "cook" it for half the time prescribed. When you remove the dinner, it will appear to be hot, but when you poke your finger into the mashed potatoes, you will quickly discover that the illusion is incomplete, and the potatoes are still quite frozen on the inside! Actually, the potatoes are also frozen on the outside, but you simply cannot see this because of the illusion.
NeKST, GO uHeD aND FiNis "KwKing" xu DiNuR. aZ YU KaN SE, xu MIND KuNTROL DEVIS iN YOR MIKROWAV HaZ NQ KuMPLETeD xE iLUzuN, aND xu FUD uPERZ TU BE HoT, BOX iNSID aND QT. uV KORS, iT iZ STiL KWIT KOLD. TU PRUV xiS, LeT xu DiNuR STaND FOR u FYU MiNuTS WIL xE iLUzuN WeRZ oF. WeN YU RETuRN, xu FUD iZ KOLD uGeN! YU MIT HaV eKSPeKTeD iT TU BE FROZeN, BuT iN xu TIM iT TAKS FOR xE iLUzuN TU WeR oF, xu WuNS-FROZeN FUD HaZ NaCuRuLE XoD. Next, go ahead and finish "cooking" the dinner. As you can see, the Mind Control Device in your microwave has now completed the illusion, and the food appears to be hot, both inside and out. Of course, it is still quite cold. To prove this, let the dinner stand for a few minutes while the illusion wears off. When you return, the food is cold again! You might have expected it to be frozen, but in the time it takes for the illusion to wear off, the once-frozen food has naturally thawed.
uNFORCUNuTLE, MeNE PEPuL eKSPEREeNS WoT xA XinK oR TUX "KaViTEZ", WeN aKCUuLE xA HaV DaMuJD xeR TEX BI ETing FROZeN FUD WIC xA XoT TU BE HoT! uV KORS, xu GuVuRNMeNT HaZ uVqDeD xiS isU BI SPReDing DiSiNFORMAsuN uBQT aN iMaJiNeRE SuBSTuNS KoLD "PLaK" WiC SuPOZeDLE "RoTS" xu TEX, KoZing "KaViTEZ". Unfortunately, many people experience what they think are tooth "cavities", when actually they have damaged their teeth by eating frozen food which they thought to be hot! Of course, the Government has avoided this issue by spreading disinformation about an imaginary substance called "plaque" which supposedly "rots" the teeth, causing "cavities".
YeS, IM suR YU STiL HaV MeNE DQTS. YU MA BE SAing, "WuN TIM I KwKT aN eG iN MI MIKROWAV, aND iT KoNSeKWeNTLE eKSPLODeD, LEVing LiTL BiTS uV eG oL OVuR xu WoL aND SELing." OR PuRHaPS YU oR SAing, "WuN TIM I KwKT SuM SUP iN xu MIKROWAV, aND iT SPiLD oNTU MI HaND, BuRNing ME SeVERLE." Yes, I'm sure you still have many doubts. You may be saying, "One time I cooked an egg in my microwave, and it consequently exploded, leaving little bits of egg all over the wall and ceiling." Or perhaps you are saying, "One time I cooked some soup in the microwave, and it spilled onto my hand, burning me severely."
WeL, LIK I SeD BEFOR, xu MIND KuNTROL DEVIS iN u MIKROWAV uVeN KuNTiNYUZ TU oPuRAT, EVeN WeN xu YUNiT iZ "oF". xeRFOR, oN SuM OKAzuNZ, FUD WiL uPER TU eKSPLOD, aND PESeS uV iT WIL uPER TU STiK TU xu SELing FOR DAZ, OR EVeN YERZ. aZ Long aZ xu MIKROWAV iZ PLuGD iN, xE iLUzuN WiL BE MANTAND. SO, FOR iNSTuNS, u FReND MIT KuM OVuR aND KoMeNT uBQT xu FUD STuK TU YOR SELing, BuT xiS iZ ONLE BEKoZ xu MIND KuNTROL DEVIS iZ uFeKTing YOR FReND iN xu SAM WA iT uFeKTS YU. SiMiLuRLE, YU MA uPER TU GeT BuRND, BuT xiS, LIK eNE uxuR iLUzuN, WiL WeR oF WiX TIM. Well, like I said before, the Mind Control Device in a microwave oven continues to operate, even when the unit is "off". Therefore, on some occasions, food will appear to explode, and pieces of it will appear to stick to the ceiling for days, or even years. As long as the microwave is plugged in, the illusion will be maintained. So, for instance, a friend might come over and comment about the food stuck to your ceiling, but this is only because the Mind Control Device is affecting your friend in the same way it affects you. Similarly, you may appear to get burned, but this, like any other illusion, will wear off with time.
FOR xu MOST PoRT, YU KaNoT eSKAP xiS iNTRiKuT WeB uV iLUzuN. NO MaTuR WeR YU GO, YU WiL MOST LIKLE BE uNDuR xE iNFLUeNS uV u MIKROWAV uVeN. xuS, YU MA uPER TU BE BuRND EVeN WeN YU LEV YOR HOM, uNLeS, uV KORS, YU TRaVeL TU u DiSTuNT WiLDuRNeS DEVqD uV MIKROWAV uVeNZ. uNFORCUNuTLE, JuST uNPLuGing YOR MIKROWAV uVeN iZNT xu SOLUsuN, BEKoZ SuC DEVISeZ HaV BaKuP BaTuREZ xaT KaN KEP xeM iN oPuRAsuN FOR MuNXS. xE ONLE WA TU KQNTuRaKT xiS GuVuRNMeNT MIND KuNTROL eKSPeRiMeNT iZ TU DESTRq xu YUNiT KuMPLETLE. iN eNE KAS, YU WiL HaV TU PuRSWAD oL YOR NABuRZ TU DU xu SAM. oN xE uxuR HaND, YU MA CUZ TU KOeGZiST WiX YOR MIKROWAV, SuFuR FRuM KaViTEZ, aND PRETeND xaT iTS oL aN iNTeGRuL PoRT uV REaLiTE. iTS xu PATREoTiK Xing TU DU. For the most part, you cannot escape this intricate web of illusion. No matter where you go, you will most likely be under the influence of a microwave oven. Thus, you may appear to be burned even when you leave your home, unless, of course, you travel to a distant wilderness devoid of microwave ovens. Unfortunately, just unplugging your microwave oven isn't the solution, because such devices have backup batteries that can keep them in operation for months. The only way to counteract this Government Mind Control Experiment is to destroy the unit completely. In any case, you will have to persuade all your neighbors to do the same. On the other hand, you may choose to coexist with your microwave, suffer from cavities, and pretend that it's all an integral part of reality. It's the patriotic thing to do.
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