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MI VAKAsuN BEGaN oN xu TRoPiKuL REZORT ILuND uV aNTEGWu WeR I HaD PLaND FOR TU WEKS uV NuXing BuT SuN, SaND, aND SuRF. HQeVuR, sORTLE aFTuR I uRIVD, xE ILuND WuZ STRiKeN WiX aN QTBRAK uV DeDLE HeMORaJiK FeVuR. My vacation began on the tropical resort island of Antigua where I had planned for two weeks of nothing but sun, sand, and surf. However, shortly after I arrived, the island was stricken with an outbreak of deadly hemorrhagic fever.
oL TURiSTS WuR KWoRuNTEND aND TeSTeD FOR iNFeKsuN. UNFORCUNuTLE, xu BIOSAFTE PREKosuNZ aT xu KLiNiK FALD, aND I WuZ RUDLE ToNTeD BI WuN uV xu LEXuL VIRuSeZ. All tourists were quarantined and tested for infection. Unfortunately, the biosafety precautions at the clinic failed, and I was rudely taunted by one of the lethal viruses.
Lethal Virus
Lethal virus taunts me as biohazard technician looks on.
aZ iT TuRND QT, oLMOST eVREWuN WuZ iNFeKTeD, SO xE ILuND HaD TU BE EVaKYUATeD. xaT EVNing, I aND u FYU uxuR SuRVIVuRZ WuR TRaNZPORTeD BI eRKRaFT KeREuR TU xu NERBI ILuND uV BoRBUDu. xE eRKRaFT KeREuR WuZ eKSITing aT FuRST, BuT, aFTuR u WIL, xu NqZ FRuM xE eRPLANZ BEKAM iNToLuRuBL. As it turned out, almost everyone was infected, so the island had to be evacuated. That evening, I and a few other survivors were transported by aircraft carrier to the nearby island of Barbuda. The aircraft carrier was exciting at first, but, after a while, the noise from the airplanes became intolerable.
Aircraft Carrier
Airplane noise becomes intolerable.
LATuR I LuRND xaT xE eRPLANZ WuR oRMD WiX TaKTiKuL NUKLEuR WoRHeDZ. I MuST SA, I WuZ MOR xaN u LiTL uPSeT WeN MI VAKAsuN PeRuDIS WuZ STeRiLIZD WiX aN uToMiK BLaST. Later I learned that the airplanes were armed with tactical nuclear warheads. I must say, I was more than a little upset when my vacation paradise was sterilized with an atomic blast.
Atomic Blast
Atomic blast destroys Antigua.
JuST WeN I XoT oL WuZ LoST, SuM FReNDLE eR FORS oFiSuRZ oFuRD TU FLI ME BaK TU xu STATS uBoRD xeR KoRGO PLAN. uPeReNTLE, SuM STRANJ ReKuJ HaD BiN FQND aFTuR xu BLaST, aND xA WuR RETuRNing iT TU RIT-PaTuRSuN eR FORS BAS FOR FuRxuR STuDE. Just when I thought all was lost, some friendly air force officers offered to fly me back to the States aboard their cargo plane. Apparently, some strange wreckage had been found after the blast, and they were returning it to Wright-Patterson Air Force Base for further study.
Cargo Plane
Air force offers ride with UFO wreckage.
WeN WE FINuLE uRIVD, aN eR FORS JeNuRuL iNFORMD ME xaT ALEeN BoDEZ HaD BiN FQND iN xu ReKuJ. I KwDNT BELEV iT! xE eR FORS NORMuLE DuZNT TeL SiViLYuNZ uBQT xaT KIND uV Xing. xuS iT WuZ DuBLE SuRPRIZing WeN xA iNVITeD ME TU JqN ToM BROKo FOR u FuRST-HaND EGZaMiNAsuN uV xu BoDEZ. When we finally arrived, an air force general informed me that alien bodies had been found in the wreckage. I couldn't believe it! The air force normally doesn't tell civilians about that kind of thing. Thus it was doubly surprising when they invited me to join Tom Brokaw for a first-hand examination of the bodies.
Alien Body
Tom Brokaw and I examine alien body.
aFTuR xE oToPSE, xE eR FORS WuZ KIND ENuF TU FLI ME TU WosingTuN TU WiTNeS xu RETuRN uV xu BODEZ aND ReKuJ TU ALEeN DiPLOMaTS. SaDLE, xE ALEeNZ TuRND QT TU BE eKSTREMLE HoSTIL, aND xA DESTRqD xu WIT HQS aZ u DeMuNSTRAsuN uV xeR PQuR. After the autopsy, the air force was kind enough to fly me to Washington to witness the return of the bodies and wreckage to alien diplomats. Sadly, the aliens turned out to be extremely hostile, and they destroyed the White House as a demonstration of their power.
White House
Hostile aliens destroy White House.
"NO!" I SCREMD. "YU ALEeN BaSTuRDZ! YU BLU iT uP! DaM YU! DaM YU oL TU HeL! SqLeNT GREN iZ MAD FRuM PEPL! iTS PEPuL!" "No!" I screamed. "You alien bastards! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to Hell! Soylent Green is made from people! It's people!"
I FLeD BLINDLE iNTU xu STRETS uV WosingTuN, BuT, NO MaTuR WeR I WeNT, xE ALEeNZ WuR BLOing UP SuMXing OR uxuR. I fled blindly into the streets of Washington, but, no matter where I went, the aliens were blowing up something or other.
I wander aimlessly as aliens destroy city.
FINuLE, I JuST DESIDeD TU GO BaK TU TuLSu WeR NuXing eVuR HaPeNZ. NeVuRxuLeS, MeNE MiSTuREZ STiL REMAN. WI WuZ aNTEGWu STRiKeN BI HeMORaJiK FEVuR? WI WuZ xE eR FORS SO FReNDLE? aND MOST PuZLing uV oL, WI DiDNT ToM BROKo REPORT eNE uV xiS oN xu NITLE NUZ? Finally, I just decided to go back to Tulsa where nothing ever happens. Nevertheless, many mysteries still remain. Why was Antigua stricken with hemorrhagic fever? Why was the air force so friendly? And most puzzling of all, why didn't Tom Brokaw report any of this on the Nightly News?
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